Surely You Are Joking,Mr. Saurabh!

I was about to kiss Ayesha Takia and suddenly Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiipeeeeeeeeeepiiiiiiiiiii of my cell phone alarm started ringing.

hell...saale ko abhi hi bajna tha.Abhi bund kartaa hoon darling!!

It was 5:30 AM and according to any other weekday,I had set my alarm on 5:30.Actually I am doing this from past one year and the next step I take is to set the alarm for 6:30 ..then 7:30...then 8:00 and usually wake up when door bell is being rung by bai.

When i returned back on the bed hoping to complete the leftover with Ms Takia,I couldn't start ....
I was searching for HER in dreams but it was too late.Seems like she went in somebody's dream jo queue mein khadaa tha .And this queue was as long as any of the Sulabh Souchalya's queue in the morning!!!

At 8:00 AM,when my kannad bai comes,I am usually the one who opens the door after 35 rings on the door as my flatmates who are descendents of lord Kumbhakarna don't bother about these earthly matters!!

But today the matter was tricky.I had to pay her monthly fee and since she knows only kannad,it was like trying to bargain with a Chinese streetseller.I couldn't undestand a single word she said nor could she.

"kaiase samjhaaon isse ki 600 is enough",I thought

"Anna @#!@$@$%$@#"....Bai said

She was not accepting Rs 600 and was probably demanding more...but how much was the question.Finally i gave her my wallet.....hesitatingly..

Nikal ke bataa--pick from wallet whatever you want
She took out 1000!!!

Yeh toh badi chaalu hai saali..I thought

And then almost pleading.."Amma,Please..take 800" and showed her 800!!

She took happily and said "Thank you Saaar!!"

Oye teri toh,,yeh toh angrezi jaanti hai !!


A Week Day at office:

When you enter inside tha office,fabricated smiles start flowing everywhere and i hate these.
Why these guys pass fabricated smiles... Dabur Lal dant Manjan use karte honge!!

Hi Saurabh,how was your weekend?hehheehe
Great...."kya khaak great,sirf sota raha"

Hey Saurabh,what's up?where did you went this weekend?hehehee
Forum Mall..."Heck,being a single and going to Forum is worst insult,I went to Switzerland with Ayesha Takia..Happy"

But believe me,whenever i pass,it's a genuine smile.Everybody thinks I am faking !!

The worst comment came from boss on Valentine's day which is the biggest fest in B'lore

Are you not going early today,Saurabh?
Why not..."Kahaan jaoonga,apne flatmates ke pass ......Takia bhi date pe hogi aaj"

During noon,my groupmate comes and asks about something..
Saurabh,Can you tell me why this is happening?
I start with "See,doing a route print..."and problem gets solved
That toh I know
Now I am speechless.

My Tryst with Cooking:

My cooking guru is Rashmi.For those working with me,she sits facing me but in the next cubicle.For the outsiders,Rashmi is about 5'2" in height and fair in colour with slightly culrly and small in lentgh hairs.I can say that she has started putting few extra kiloes.She speaks rarely in office but whenever speaks poora fourth floor goonj jaata hai.A very mature and friendly girl all in all.Exuberance spills from her persona and if i will describe her more,she is gonna kill me.

She was trying to teach me how to prepare "Khichadi"(an Indian dish,made from rice and pulse).

"Kisme banaayega Khichadi?"
"hmmmm...bhagone mein"
"idiot,cooker use kar"
"ok Ma'm"
"4-5 siti maar dega tabhi hata dena"she ordered
"Siti toh woh khud hi maar dega naa",I asked innocently
"Nahi,tu maar dena!!!" and an outburst of laughter
"Saurabh,surely you must be kidding,tune aaj tak life mein kuch nahi banaaya hai?"
"Paani aur Doodh garam kiya hai"
"Surely you are joking,Mr Saurabh!!"

Now how i proove that till date have been such a dumb ass that never tried cooking at all.Cooking is one thing which i have tried sometimes back and failed miserably.

"haldi aur masala bhi dal dena"
"ek packet hai jisme masala likha hai,usse hi thoda daal doon?"
"Gadhe,u gotta put haldi in it"
"But haldi toh masale mein hoga naa"
"you are a hopeless case"

I knew that....you can't teach cooking to a moron like me who is alive on food provided by others.Finally I was able to prepare it.Suddenly,I jumped excatly like nude Archimedes coming out of bath tub...saying "Eureka Eureka"

You know what I had discovered.....Khichadi's color becomes yellow not due to Dal but because of turmeric powder put into it.......It was a moment of glory for me and I was feeling like Columbus who has just discovered America!!


An Evening in Bangalore:

I usually return from office at 8:00Pm only to find my friends waiting for me to watcha movie.
Let me first introduce them.We are 5 guys staying in the best possible apartment in B'lore for upper middle class.Sachan,Prakash,Pranav and Apoorv are like family members to me now.A family whose income is whopping Rs 200,000 per month!!

These guys know my biggest weakness...horror movies.I hate them as my biggest nightmares start to haunt back when I see a distorted face or a voice which is terrible!!My friends, by some means always try to show me a horror movie.

Saurabh,aaja movie dekhte hain
Kaun Si?
Adventures of Backaroo Bonjai in 8th dimension
Teri maa ki....by listening the name itself,I start vomiting and sweating!!

I run away from these guys when they start wacthing these kind of cult movies.They always look for Cult movies ,,to name a few of them "Monty Python and the Holy Grail ","EraserHead","Requiem for a Dream","The Rocky Horror Picture Show" ....If you have never heard of these movies,I suggest you better don't even try to know about them.

I feel isolated whenever my Cultie friends get engrossed in their movies.So I pick up my favourite DVD and watch "Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam" or "Parinda" or "Taal"....recently I watched "Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam" for 52nd time while waiting for a special person to come online.Movie ended but she didn't came ,last heard,her system had a Viral fever.....I don't know the status now.Probably she will be online some day or never...who knows!!

It's time to go ...Ayesha Takia is calling

Thanks to all of you who read this crap till end and to those also who didn't!!