Saturday, November 25, 2006

Triveni......The three liners

What is a Triveni?

This craft owes it's existence to legendary Gulzar....Gulzar named
this three liner form as "triveni" ..the third line should open a new perspective or unfold completely new dimension or simply give twist to the upper two line(which are like sher... complete in their own way)

In words of Gulzar.....

त्रिवेणी नाम इसलिये दिया था कि संगम पर तीन नदियाँ मिलती हैं.गंगा जमुना और सरस्वती. गंगा और जमुना के धारे सतह पर नज़र आते हैं लेकिन सरस्वती जो तक्षशिला के रस्ते बह कर जाती थी, वो ज़मीन्दोज़ हो चुकी है. त्रिवेणी  के तीसरे मिसरे(LINE) का काम सरस्वती दिखाना है जो पहले दो मिसरों मे छुपी हुई है...

So here i am presenting few of my own Triveni's...on different topics


******विराम******

अपने पराये भूल के उसके पीछे भागा
सपने में भी सपने के पीछे भागा

जिन्दगी कि कलम विराम कब लगायेगी???





******छाँव******


ये लम्हा कभी धूप में वो लम्हा कभी छांव में
ये धूप छांव का खेल,चलता है जिन्दगी तेरे गाँव में

तभी तू मुझे अक्सर श्वेत और श्याम नज़र आती है!




******
मौन की गूँज******

दो उदास आंखे..रात की खामोशी

करती रहती बातें...कुछ कही- अनकही

मौन की गूँज कल पूरी रात सुनायी दी



******
शब******
दिन में भी शब आती.. जाती रही
ख्वाब जो उमड़ते थे..उन्हें पिघलती रही

इतनी आंच कहा से आयी..पता ना चला




******
उम्मीद******

उसी उम्मीद ने बे-वजह नाउम्मीदगि दिलाई
किसी नाउम्मीद ने बा-वजह उम्मीदगी सिखाई

ये अजीब खेल...ख़त्म होते ही शुरू हो जाता है!





******
आंचल में मोती******

ख्यालों में उसके आंचल में मोती पिरोता रह....सारी उम्र
ख्यालों में उसके दामन में हीरे भिगोता रह....सारी उम्र

मरा मिला मजनू वो आज.....हीरे-मोती दो रोटियां ना खरीद सके!




******
रस सूख गया******

तेरी मासूमियत मह्काने के लिए दिए थे जो रस
धीरे धीरे सूखने लगे जब बीते कुछ बरस

आखिर तेरी खुशियाँ किसी और को भाती क्यों नही?




More to come in subsequent blogs.....

Saturday, October 21, 2006

The Guardians

Even before opening my eyes
I felt that warmth and protection
Behind the womb of the mother
I was safe.....well guarded

Evil viruses or agonizing dreams
Lost in a fair or lots of despair
Drawn in Confronts or shame by affronts
Beneath the armour of father
I was safe.......well guarded

As my wings become stronger
The guardians push me to go higher
"Learn the cruel rules
May the guardian angel be with you"
I laughed with bloated pride
"Let the angels be with you"

As I grow up learning
Sometimes pain creeps-in the veins
Sometimes darkness penetrates the soul
Sometimes devils start barking in the mind
Sometimes false expectations squeeze the heart


I want to reach behind that safe womb
I want to go beneath that impeccable armour

And then
I could feel in dreams
Guardian angel collecting sorrows happily
Filling the punctured soul by honey

Oh my angel...
This selfish spirit,
needs you tonight
Please visit for a moment
And May the life freeze at that moment........



Written for the guardian angel of everybody...May they visit earth this diwali

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Only If I Could.....

The Door through which the stream of dreams flow
Was knocked ....

Stunned was I...
Two starry eyes pleaded

"Create a picture of mine
but I don’t have a dime"


Her wavering pitch black hair
Made the arrogant air
......sublimed

Oh...the forehead was shining
Like the scorching sun whining

The eyebrows were dark and deep
The moon was half asleep

I started getting drowned
in the eyes black-brown

Those moving lips
almost brought an eclipse

The Vibrant shiny earring
Created a whirlwind

To hear her chuckle
The laziest atom of mine...struggles

Midway through the painting
She desired to leave

I will come again
to feel my beauty...she said
only if I could.......
...........................


I never saw that spasmodic creation of mine
Alas.....only if I could



Written for incomplete but a perfect picture


Thanks to Radhikaji for making grammatical corrections

Sunday, October 01, 2006

But Seriously....

I was thinking about this from a long time...what shall i write for my 50th entry on this blogspot...how magnanimous this should be...then I got a Birthday gift and I am unwrapping it in front of you...


maine socha ek tohfa dun
tere zanmdin ke aagman par
bahut dhundha par paya nai
kuch aisa jo la sake khushi tere honthon par

janta hun teri khushi hai kahan
par vo tujhe de nahi sakte ham
........magar................
khushi insaan ke dil main hoti hai
man le agar to sanvar jaye tera ghar

teri duniya main to sab kuch hai
khuli aankho se tu dekhe gar

jo pa nahi saka use bhul ja bas
ban jayega fir khushi bhara har manjar

man meri baat tere sapne fir se sajenge
teri duniya main fir se naye phool khilenge

zindagi adhyayon main hi aati hai
iske panne jald hi badlenge

hamare liye to har din tu naya tohfa lata hai
har din fir se janmdin ho jata hai


Zindagi uski hi hai jisse koi aa ke kahe
dekh tere hone se maine kya paya hai
Garmi ki is tej dhup jaisi jindagi main
tu ham doston ka ghana saya hai

Dua itni hi hai abb rab se
rang bhare vo tere sapno main
jitni khushiyan baanti hai tune
Utni hi khushiyan ho tere daaman main




I never thought I was worth a poem....spellbound is Saurabh....unforgettable is the gift...

how grand is 50th entry,dear reader?

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Move On

It was never too late
to latch on
Between duration of two breaths
Lies infinite possibilities for life
Will to move forward is coming to embrace
For Whom are you waiting peddler?
Move on....................


It was never too late
To understand
Converting ...stinking luck
Changing.....position of stars is
Matter of a pure thought away
For whom are you waiting sailor?
Move on........................

It was never too late
To conceive
Keeping one foot firmly in ground
Singing the song of defeat is
Supreme act of bravado
For whom are you waiting brave-heart?
Move on............................

It was never too late
To comprehend
Think before accepting dogma
Query before worshipping God
Is the ultimate purpose
For Whom are you waiting devotee?
Move on...............

It was never too late
To accept the
Kiddish chuckle
Flowers wavering in wind
Fresh Sunlight after darkness
Motivational immortal words….shrill
"Life is beautiful"
For whom are you waiting .......?
Move on.........



Written for a recently read motivational poem and anonymous poet

Sunday, September 17, 2006

You...My Friend

I searched
Aah,Look what I found finally...

Was that a...
Rare gem in garbage
Red rose amongst thorns
Immortal song
Separated part of me


Or........
Fragrance of soil
Infinite sea waves
Scintillating rainbow
Dazzling full moon


Was that a.....
Soul penetrating evening
Silent,perfumy night
Giggling morning


Or.........
Sweet blessings
Tender proudness
Obstniate Commitment


Yes.......
It was amalgamation of all these
Known as YOU "My friend"


And...
I no more want to be sweaty
By callous souls
By aggressive beasts
By bloodsucking vampires
Who came across
On the way to meet you....

Hence...
My search ends forever



Written for Fantastic Five Friends whom I discovered in Bangalore

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

World of My Own



Welcome to the world of my own
where i paint my own reality

Where the rain connects
earth and sky;body and soul.

Where.....darkness bring happiness
Where....night never ends
Where....light is draconian


Welcome to the world of my own
Where the fairies sing lullaby...
Where the flowers smile.........
Where the pigeons talk to clouds

Where the sunset fills
color in dead sky......
Where moon and I
talk incessantly...without moving lips


Welcome to the world of my own
Where the tears and smiles
flow simultaneously........
Where sane and insane
understand each other..
Where love and hatred
stay together.............

Where the chased dreams
always come true......
Where every citizen is
...alone....

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Gone......Forever

Holding it tight,
in my fists
I captured light


Light......
The language of God
The cause behind big-bang
The Illumination for mankind
The difference between living and nonliving


I started running
With handful of light
With fake happiness
With hallucination...
With fictious expectation
That light is mine....forever


As the darkness approached
Light wanted to leave
I resisted,tried hard
But darkness,
none less than Goliath
snatched my share of light


Gone is the light
Alongwith my heart
To make me "Heartless"
And left is a black wound...full of puss



A poem for my favorite authors....Rohinton Mistry and GDR

Monday, August 21, 2006

.......YOU..........

In the dreams or imagination
Wherever may I roam

On the road or in theatre
Anywhere I go

Those fading memories
Stuffed in veins
Run along with blood

I can feel echo of….
Those intelligent words
The rare fighting spirit
That motivation….when I was crippled

Even with you gone…..
These treasures are safe
Bolted on innermost coils of our hearts

Yes…...we still are friends
Yes…...we sometimes do care
…but yeah…these days it remains unnoticed
Even if you don’t call




Written while in a gyan session

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Pagal guy meets WBW....

As soon as He entered in my room, his all jolly mood was gone……reason being my black colored pillow and bed sheet which were originally white, thanks to dust…..kuch novels, lying here and there...big almirah with nothing inside it and a stinking blanket which has not been washed since 1 year and the pinnacle was when he saw the kitchen….total havoc……..

“Ye kya mazaak bana rakha hai, agar chadar jhaado toh kilo dust nikaltee hai… bread butter pe zinda ho…thode se kapde hain…..Himalaya achchi jagah hogi tumhare liye…shaadi kar deta hoon jaldi se,biwi aayegi tabhi sudhroge!! Bolo kaisee ladki pasand hai ? ” This was my dad, on his visit to Bangalore

This was not first time I was nervous. Friends of mine keep teasing and asking about the so called requirements…so once for all, I am doing what I do the best…penning down …..The 6 virtues of my effective Would Be Wifee(WBW)…..in the increasing order of weightage


6. Movies and music

I ask her, at 8:45 PM

Ajee Suntee ho, Nau se barah chale aj movie dekhne?
Bus paanch minute do ready hone ke liye!!


And we do reach the hall at 9:00 PM sharp…I know ladies jinka bus chale toh interval mein movie dekhne pahooche…

I have a list of rapid fire round questions for my WBW, with expected answers

ME: Amir ya SRK
SHE:SRK
ME: (rote hue) I hate him, I hate him
SHE: (giving hanky) ye lijiye…..

ME: Ayesha ya Takia, inme se kisase milogee?
SHE: Madhubala
ME: Magar ye toh option hi nahi tha!!!
SHE: hai daiyaa(sharmaate hue),apni sautan se bhi koi miltaa hai kya?

ME: REM, Pink Floyd, U2, Elvis, Mettalica, GnR…kabhi suna hai
SHE: Haan….
ME: Wow,then khoob jamegi yaar, kab suna last time?
SHE: (innocently)abhi aapne hi toh bola…..
ME: hai…..sooooo sweet


ME: All time favorite actor
SHE: Mitun da
ME: oye, he is good but what about Govinda and Rajnikant?
SHE: Teri jaat ka painda maaru,YOIYEE…....no Govinda shovinda
ME: (frightened) ye toh daakuni niklee….

But yeah, appreciating good music and movies is an asset…songs with lyrics of Javed Akhtar or God Gulzar, listening Ghazals of Jagjeet Singh and Ghulam Ali with sunset in front of your eyes do affect mood drastically, if you understand them…..


5. Outer appearance…

I am no John Abraham or Tom Cruze….Just an average Indian male with average looks…..I know that ,I do appear like a shirt on hanger so I don’t expect WBW to be heroinee…..average Indian female, in salwaar- kurta or Jeans-Shirt, with halki si smile on face and jhumke like miss Takia(please refer her photo for details )….long hairs like waterfall during night and small black bindi, so that khud ki nazar naa lag jaaye …Jhuki jhuki si palkein aur soyi soyi si aankhein…..

In short….aisee ho ki bus dekhte hi,I can listen nothing but

Chaudavi ka chand ho...............ya aaftaab ho
Jo bhi ho tum khuda ki kasam…......laajawab ho



4. Egoist Vs Moody (Tharki)

I have met many girls during the four years in engineering and one year in software industry who just think that they are from Mars and we poor earthlings are pathetic ,hopeless and sick for them...come on ,I mean the beauty what you just got because of genetic factors doesn’t make you beautiful…Not only this, pomposity everywhere
like “I am always right” kind of attitude leads to black hole only…...and ruins the family in future.

Being a big tharki myself, I admire it. My WBW would be tharki but not egoist….. so that both tharkis can chat at 12 in night…

I hate going in parties so we didn’t attend today’s party
It’s ok…even I don’t like
Abe, Bangalore ka ek chakkar laga ke aate hain guddi se
hai alla…how exciting….



3. Gutsee

What you need to be adventurous….GUTS is the word….Taking the challenge on gives a lot of fun…talk any adventure sports, for that matter and I am always raring to go

But, imagine my over adventurous WBW doing this..

Arre ,one guy claimed he is plumber and was not showing I-card so I have kept him locked in bathroom….lutera types lag raha tha, bada mazaa aaya,5 ghante se bund hai saala

Idiot, he really is a plumber!!!

Jokes apart, it really needs guts to go and face real life situations. In office or outside, you need to be bold….I consider myself as partially bold, rest would be filled by WBW..hopefully


2. Knowledge and it's expression

Those who are close to me know I much do I talk and how much I read….most of the time I prefer not to say anything …and read everything...I mean it. I feel it’s waste of energy to talk when you can write or simply don’t say anything.

So if WBW haven’t heard of or don’t want to have a taste of sci-fi, genetic theory, number system and prime numbers, bikes and cars, GDR or Rohinton Mistry ,RKN or Ruskin Bond, next gen computing or cloning, Emily Dickinson or Frost, Cricket, Feynman and Ramanujan ..ad-infinitum ….she’s gonna find me utterly boring most of the times………

For me reading is life and writing is oxygen to sustain it and under no circumstance I can compromise over it…..


1. And the award goes to …. ......
Thoda hai …...Thode ki jaroorat hai

Arre oo Sambhha,kitna inaam rakhe hai re sarkar hamree Khopadiya pe?
Sardar ….pachaas hazaar


They say it Bheja, dimaag or mind ….whatever you say…..I admire it most,like sarkaar admiring Gabbar’s Khopadiya(Brain)...I am fascinated because it’s the root of all other attributes listed above…all others can be developed…..I will not write much as mere pass khud kum hai…. WBW mein itna ho ki we both can live happily ever after and complement each other in every dimension of life.


To give up my bachelor lifestyle, these are the six simple requirements….if somebody fills them and interested, please let me know and if not, who cares!!!


For the bachelor’s who are going to complete 24 in coming October

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Little Sister

Everybody embraced
.....When she arrived
But I was.......
.......little terrified

The care I was getting
....Started deteriorating

Little I knew
this worst foe was divine
Would be future secret holder of mine


We played together
Laughed together
Fought together
Grew together

Sometimes i slapped
Sometimes she cried
Sometimes we madeup
Sometimes simply denied...

On demand tea or the enforced dinner
ooph,that perfect care
is.....really....really rare

She wants to be independent
She desires to break free
Studies donot let her flee
Still........
From her cash-petty
She spends every penny

To buy
.....that discounted rakhi
.....That delicious barfi



Written for all brothers and sisters who will not meet...on this Rakshabandhan

Friday, August 04, 2006

Unn Lamho ki Naadani

mujhe na tumne samjha
na main tumhein samjha paayi
yun hi har din beet gaya
aur yun hi har raat gayi

Aaj jo dekhun mud ke peeche
yaad vo sab kuch aaa baitha
Khud ka dil dikhla pana
jab itna mushkil ho baitha

Jhutha sa abhimaan liye
hum donon apni raah chale
main na jane kahan gayi
tum na jane kahan chale


Unn rahon pe gar mud kar
tumne ek bar roka hota
toh shayad main tham jati
abhimaan na vo paida hota

Fir yun hi jhuthi aas liye
main rah tumhari dekha kii
na tumne fir aana chaha
na maine hi duri kam kii

Ummedon yun hi har gayi
sapne bhi dum tod gaye
tum ko khokar maine jaana
munjil ko ham chod chale

Ae kash na vo lamha hota
jab main tum par tab barsi thi
ya kash na vo lamha hota
jab tumne sahnaa chod diya


Abb apni yahi kahani hai
ki umar yunhi bitani hai
na tum sa abb koi aayega
na dil ko dhadka payega
koi kitna bhi chahe abb
par dil na use aapnayega



Hinduism says "Choice is an illusion" but the poet here chose to be ANONYMOUS......

What is your rating for this poem,reader?

Yaadein

Yaadon ke tinkon ki raakh se
ek hunsta hua gharonda banata hun

Yaadein,
Kuch mahakti, chidchidati aur gungunati si yaadein....

Yaadein,
Sardi ki dhoop mein chat-cricket
ya..... garmi ki raaton mein
badi daadi se Sputnik ke kisse

Jalti dupahri mein library ke chakkar
ya..... holi ki toli ke saath masti

Yaadein,
kaali soozi hui uss raat mein
woh giddh ka dansh
ya..... akelepun ka ahsas karate
mere woh anginat se ghinoune lamhe

Yaadein,
Apne dum aur khushiyan
warne waale doston kii
Ya..... unn manzilon ki
jinke darwaje kabhi khule hi nahi

Shayad kuch kami si hai inn yaadon mein
abb ek umeed hi hai

Kuch aur ladkhadati
dhundhlaati aur kumhlaati
Yaadein........

Jo mere iss rakh ke ghar mein
Sondhi si hunsi daal de


Written for Jaya-Raju,Swati-Ajit,Sudhanshu,Shailu and Kamal......who are so far yet so close......

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Halka sa Ahsaas

Dhundhli si tasveer hai, halka sa ahsaas hai....
Aa jao meri panahon me dil ko har pal tumhari hi talash hai,

Roop tumahara meri in nigahon me,
narm aahen ab bhi meri saason ke paas hai,

wo tum ho ya majboori meri tanhaiyon ki,
wo tum ho ya majboori meri tanhaiyon ki,

laal palkon tale ek bas tumhari hi aas hai,

Dhundhli si tasveer hai, halka sa ahsaas hai....



A Poem by my friend Chandana...Aren't you impressed??

Monday, July 31, 2006

Chehre

Rat ki sookhi khamoshi jab bahein pasare chale aayi
sath din bhar ki kayi yadein bhi le aayi
Aur... laayi hain unke sath kai chehre

chehre
Jindagi se jujhte
juthi muskurahaton se bhare
anjan manjilon ko dhundhte
Aur... raston main tanha bhatakte

vahi kuch aur
atmavishwas se bhare
nayi manjilein dhoondhte
safaltaon ki sidiyan chadte
Aur...kabhi na ghabrate

kuch aur bhi
har pal zindagi ko jite hue
har ek pal ko poojte hue
Bin kuch khwab aur aashayein
Aur...lakshyaheen jivan ko aage le jate

In chehron mein
apna mukhauta nakami ke saath talashta hun

kyonki har din mere jine ke dhang badal jate hain
mere andaj aur mere rang badal jate hain
aaj main ek chehra hun aur kal koi doosra
jaise shatranj ki bisat pe bicha hua ek mohra

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Death of Sun


This is live commentary of sunset seen from Marine Drive, Cochin.This small account is intended for the blog reader to go ,experience and share the SUNSET phenomena on their own………..today


We were sitting motionless on Marine drive …watching ships blowing horns and birds chirping and returning for their nests…almost clear blue sky with few clouds hovering here and there…. A perfect idyllic setting for any nature lover Suddenly I realized that magnet earth is attracting small in size, reddish in color –SUN.

The ally of earth, horizon used clouds as rope….who first tightens neck of sun and then entire body. Sun starts to swell as nerves have also been tied by the blackish clouds.

The color changes, blobbing continues and sun now starts bleeding….. The splash of blood partially fills blue sky and calm backwaters with crimson color. As the clouds grip, hapless sun cries “Save my soul”…..few passing by ships try save in vain……

The horizon opens its mouth wide …badly wounded, already bleeding sun goes half inside the horizon and then completely…the seagulls and crows now start to fly over backwaters to have a feast over sun’s blood ,now spilled all over.

The slow death of sun is tragic but tomorrow, a new sun will reincarnate from the womb of the same horizon……..I have seen it…...probably somewhere in Pondycherry…...

Don’t you feel like having a look on sunset?

Written for all the nature lovers……....

Mere Dost

Safed badlon ki Takiyaa sirhane rakh
Parijat Chaanv ki chadar oodhe

Aundhe Muh,main leta

Tabhi achanak,Parijat bola
"Mere Dost banoge"

Fir hari Jalkumbhi,lahrein aur unpe ithlati kirane
Hum sab dost bane
Sab milkar sagar ki chati pe khoob naache
Khushi se aankhein bhar aayi

Magar Suryast hote hi ,

mano kissi ki nazar pad gayi

Kirne Sookhi

Lahrein thami
Jalkumbhi bhagi
Aur parijat bhi raakh ki tarah kaala pada

Mera akelapun
naa dekha gaya Chandni se
"Kya mujhse dosti karoge"
Fir...........................


Main,Chandni,Taare aur Nakshatra
Hum sab dost bane
Saari raat hava ke saath jhoome
Khushi se fir aankhe bhar aayi
Aur.......................................

Suryoday hote hi
Chandni peeli padi
Taaro - Nakhshtron ko Akash nigal gaya

Aur Shapit main
fir akela rah gaya......


Written beneath the "Parijat tree",on the banks of backwaters of Kochi


A Joint-Venture production

Bus to Kerala

It was full
of strangers.plumpy and snoring

Gazing outside the big glass window
amidst the slight fog
I waited.

I waited for HER
Honking trucks passed
Breaking the sound of silence

Orion and dog star send signals
"Probably your friend slept"
wearing the cloud cover

I am too tired
Still waiting for HER

You might have seen your moon tonight
Mine is missing from past fortnight....

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Unkind Words

Dear Readers,

Some personal commitments are calling me to the city Kochin from where I will come back with few poems...for the time being,I wanted to share my personel favourite poem by Anurag.


I was intoxicated
by the night,
and by the love
and by the memory of lost loves.


How my love have gone,
tossing back their hair
like the web of memory
a shimmering melody

Only unkind words
only unkind words remain


Saluting Emily Dickinson and Robert Frost

Signing off,
Saurabh

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Loneliness

Is it black, blue or Red
The color of loneliness
I am confused

The crowd laughs, chats or sms's
The color changes
Sometimes it is grey, othertime it is green
I am confused

When I start enjoying the desolateness
it becomes sky blue
and when I hate
I could see Orange
I am confused

Have you ever seen
The color of Loneliness
I am still Confused……..
Are you?


Written while in a treat in form of sms’s

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Aha...Those Sensational Days

I am a total believer in following lines of a great song..

आने वाला कल एक सपना है
गुजरा हुआ कल बस अपना है
हम इस गुजरे पल में रहते हैं…..


Which literally means that I believe in yesterday…who has seen tomorrow, which may not be acceptable to many. So decided to give you glimpse of my school life ,hoping even if one of my readers is able to recollect those golden days, the purpose is solved.

Nidhi and the Day of photography

Year: 1991
Month: September
Class: 4th “B”

I was having lunch with my best friend…...in fact I used to eat everything which she brought and gave her my half empty lunch box! Her name was Nidhi and still her gorgeous smile is as fresh as a daisy in my mind. She was slightly taller than me with a lovely little face ...her medium length hairs remind me of a waterfall duiring night. Her bright black eyes compensated for two slightly protruded teeth. She used to have trouble in solving math sums and was a champion artist. I was a dumbo in drawing so our combination was perfect. I used to solve her questions sometimes and she did a lot of drawing assignments for me.

Everyday, when I returned back to home, mostly Nidhi used to be in my chats with buaji with whom I was staying. Today Nidhi did this and I made her fall by pushing…..I ate all her lunch and didn’t give anything….She laughed on my torn button of shirt…..I made fun of her long hairs….I gave her a comics to read which she didn’t liked….she got highest in drawing etc used to be a daily evening report... And when buaji asked provocatively

Shastry, Tum bade ho ke shaadi kisese karoge”? whom will you marry once you grow up
“Nidhi se”
And that was it…….I was bullied by many of my relatives for several years for this answer…..

“Tomorrow photographer will come and we all will have group photograph” announced my class teacher. We both were very happy as those day, photographs were a rarity…and photography day used to be some kind of festival in our school.

Buaji combed my hairs and cautioned not to play outside..
Photo khichne se pahle dhoop mein mat jaana,kale ho jaaoge aur photo kharaab ho jaayegi” Don’t go outside before photograph is taken otherwise you will turn black!

The photographer came with a tripod and a big camera….session started from nursery kids….finally it was announced

“Class 4th B, please make a queue and come here”

I was really excited because it was my first photo with Nidhi standing besides me…and then class teacher yelled

“All tall children would be standing and rest will sit down. Saurabh, come and sit here” echoed teacher

It was sad end of high hopes as Nidhi was standing while me sitting near my class teacher. Photographer asked everybody to smile and I tried hard to do that….Even today ,whenever I take a look at that classic photo, I feel….if Nidhi were there sitting besides me.

After class 4th we never met as her father got transferred in another city.



A typical Sunday


Year:1996
Month: March
My Sundays in those days started at 5:30 the morning with solving few chapters of RS Aggarwal’s math book for an oncoming district level math contest. Aim was to solve them quickly as “Rangoli” will start from 7:15 .

Aaj sab log apna room saaf karenge” everybody will clean his/her room, ordered mom.
I offered a bribe of two candies to my younger sister….
she used to clean my room whereas I enjoyed watching songs Rangoli

After Rangoli ,“Chandrakanta” was next big attraction. Every family member used to watch it because of “Naugarh” and “VijayGarh”…these two “Estates” are very close to our village and the author Babu Devakinandan Khatri was actually an employee of King of Varanasi.I often used to wonder whatever miracles they showed in serial, how I can perform. Even reading some books on magic tricks were of not much help, though I learnt few tricks. From 10:00AM, it used to be Disney world and my favourite cartoon characters were all over the place.

Once this gets over, it used to be fight time….with younger sister on reasons as big as “My new pen is better than yours”
“The notebook I have is thicker than yours”
“My Goofy stickers are better than your He-Man”
Younger brother played the role of reporter and Mummy used to come yelling…..without her interruption, it was really difficult to stop the ongoing fight

At around 3:30, the colony cricket team arrived and then 1 and half hours of unlimited fun starts…few times, we used to break a window of my poor Bengali neighbour...to stop the game….

After reaching home I used to find that the Sunday movie has already half way through but still I could understand it with the help of my sister so that the next day in school,I can take part in lunch time discussion

“Arre kya laat ghuma ke maara tha Dharmedra ne Takle Shetty ko”
“Rajnikant bidi goli maar ke jala diya”
“Anil Kapoor ka kidney fail ho jaata hai”
“Arre Aakhir mein Amitabh Bachchan ko goli lag jaati hai,fir bhi bach jaata hai”


At 6:30 when movie ends, it’s time to finish home work and wait for dad to arrive with some eatables begins. The day ends at 10:00PM after “Surabhi” is finished with a “Namaskar” from Siddharth Kak and Renuka Shahane’s voice which was like sound of bangles clinking together….Wasn’t it,readers?


Because....I hate to loose

Year: 1997
Month: January
Class: 9th “A”

Being the topper of school had many advantages…every teacher knows you and admires….almost every student is familiar with your face and is always ready to help a topper. I had lots of friends but three of them were really peculiar. They were quite notorious for beating anybody …in other words, they were “Dons”. When your good friends are like that, you are bound to get influenced.

We four..Me,Goswami,Tripathy and Rajeev were very good players of hand-cricket, A cricket which involved only ball, with bat being your hand. At that time we were World Champions in our own terms.

A new talented entrant to our school Prateek started to thwart our autonomy in hand-cricket. He was a very good player and his team played well under him. We lost quite a few matches and were getting frustrated.

One day after loosing 5 matches in a row and on being taunted ... I lost it…..and smacked straight in the face of Prateek. His spectacles were on the ground and he was bamboozled……I knew that I have won it because in all the fights, who-so-ever strikes first takes the lead….and I had the guts to give the first blow….now Tripathy and Rajeev came in action….Prateek fell down and he was being beaten badly from all four of us…..boom-boom-bang-bang. Sad part was all of his friends were just watching the show…and this is real dumbness.Poor guy couldn’t do a thing apart from lodging a complain to my class teacher…And my teacher refused to believe that I was involved in such incident, though rest three were given punishment, but they never uttered that I was involved….

From that day till today, though I hate to loose,I have lost many times at many fronts….
And controlling the temper have been tough but somehow I have done this…I still feel sorry for that incident


Written for those who traveled backwards in time while reading this........

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Conversations with someone you call God

I chased and finally caught him
Yes....he was someone you call God

Long was the night and our conversation
I was full of intriguing questions

why you have programmed most of us not to ask basic questions
Why there is agony to them who were never askew
And why angelic children are harassed...verbally and sexually

He sent me to a "saint" called Osho
and Osho offered nothing but mere set of fragmented words

To Someone we hate
why it is allowed to spit all hatred
.........................
And to someone we Love
Why it is not possible to show the chest...
the emotions engulfed inside choke me out

And i was asked to read JK
puzzle still was unsolved

Why your few children are born with a silver spoon
.....others in a gutter
...................................................
why your followers have blindfolded faith in miracles
.....may or may not be performed by you
Why there is a void inside me
and why I am incomplete....

I was introduced to Deepak Chopra
who was perplexed

Suddenly i realised
my dream was over
...................................................
And I am still wondering......
Was there somebody you call God??


Written for those who are confused....like me

Monday, July 10, 2006

4 Lives

Idols---the word itself instills inspiration. Almost everybody has idols…the supermen like Tendulakars,the Bachchans,the Kalams ,the Khans …..list goes ओं.Truly speaking, my life has never been completely influenced from anything…be it living or non living. But the short account of four lives I am going to present will tell you why I admire them.

They are not page 3 personalities or highly popular…they are one of us..they are achievers who have touched my life and if you look around you,you will definitely come across them in your life….they can be your own friends, relatives, parents or siblings…..

How many guys are there who can avoid brother’s
marriage
for the sake of an exam?
How many of us can leave their newly wed wife for months in order to study?
How many of us can sustain the pressure of taking the same exam 8th time and that too when your family and well wishers have left all hopes and disparage you ?
And how many of you start your carreer with almost elementary knowledge of English and finally make it to leading MNC’s……the answer is not many

These four lives are no way related to each other…but they have a lot in common…they are neither geeks nor affluent by birth….all are descendents of the great Indian middle class but what differentiates them is 3D’s---dedication, determination and discipline. Here I am narrating the tale of four hardworking guys who performed miracles for themselves and their lives was changed forever……in the order of their age



Brij Anand

He is husband of my buaji(my father’s sister) and was a government clerk on adhoc at the time of marriage. An extremely hardworking person with determination to do something big…After marriage, he thought of giving up all his dreams and continue with family….but conscience won and he decided to give a shot at PCS( Provincial Civil Services). Newly wed couple had to part away for almost 6 months ……and believe me it was the toughest decision of their lives …And at that instant he knew,he will do it. The moment arrived ,lived by him and he conquered it…YES…he was now a Rank 2 officer …it was sheer perseverance and hard work that made him what he is today Sales Tax Commisioner…in retrospect, it was a long journey for a clerk on adhoc.


Dr. Hriday Narayan Singh

I call him the man with a will of steel…why?? He was brutally denied for an entry to the so called most famous coaching institute of Varanasi and he got one of the sternest remarks from any teacher to any student…..and the crime was, he attempted CBSE PMT for 8th time in a row…

Tum jaante ho Hriday….iss poore coaching mein (of almost 5000 students and 10 teachers)mere baad sabse jyadaa umar tumharee hi hai” was the sarcastic comment by teacher...…

At an age of 27,With pressure from all side…..my man failed to succumb…..and He did it…..he cleared CBSE PMT and studied in one of the very good medical colleges in India. His long cherished dream of building a well facilitated clinic in his own village is now fulfilled……I salute your optimism…I salute your guts



Nikunj K. Srivastava

Probably out of the four lives, he is most famous…even in media too. He is my mama(mother’s brother) and the first IITian whom I knew. After leaving a well paying job in Indian Oil, when he decided to go for kill on IAS(Indian Administrative Services)exams,not many were happy…and situation became grim when he could not make it for two times in a row…third attempt had to be his last .He had to toil hard….. Every success demands sacrifice and for him, it was to avoid brother’s marriage by taking a house on rent, very close to his house so that he can study peacefully…not many could understand this unless the final results of IAS-1997 were announced….even in the wildest of his dreams, Bunty mama never thought of this….he was All India Rank 2 in mother of all exams!!!…and everyday a new reporter…interviews on local Doordrshan and lots of reports in newspapers converted him into a instantaneous celebrity….Risks taken and ability to give up the temptation have made him District Magistrate of several cities …..and a star performer of cadre -1997.


Sudhir Kumar

He is my batch mate and when I first saw his notebook, I was almost shocked.
How come a guy doesn’t even know the meaning of word forest after passing 12th” .?
Sudhir knew this …he was terrible in English…..be it any form of it…all of us used to bully him….and suddenly he decided to go all out for it…after an year of awe-inspiring hard work, he almost knew every little word of dictionary…..even I felt jealous and proud at the same time of being a friend of such a gritty character. He overcame the hurdle of being from a remote village in Jharkand, studied in Hindi medium in a small college and finally made it to Flextronics software Systems. This terrific hard worker is now working for Motorola and still goes all out whenever needed.


After reading this, you can very well think of somebody who has inspired you. Somebody who is not a prominent figure but only his reference can infuse light inside you…. Think…an idol may be close to you

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Dreams

My dreams were a pigeon
Whose wings were my ambition,
Legs were perseverance,
And eyes were motivation

The perky pigeon took off
I was following
He took me to the zenith....
That was mid way to the heaven
We both were extremely tired....

But on the top,
It was lonesome
Horrendous silence prevailed
And numerous slaughtered pigeons lied there

Butcher came
Pigeon refused to come down
Master I beg you leave
try again with another ‘ne
though I will not be present
but keep pursuing
someday you will find the ultimate


I, The Self-indulgent seeker
Chose to hand him to the butcher
And ,Wings were crushed
Legs were torn
finally....eyes were nailed

And again I start my selfish journey
…………………………………….



This Poem is dedicated to all those dreams of mine which never came true

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Insomnia



She again eluded me
while i waited for her
in those ghastly hours
anxious about her arrival

friends got
city got
even the pair of pigeon got her
but mysterious lady didn't embrace me

And now she is leaving
with a vaunted smile on her lips

"I am neither rich nor in convalescent
still you are fleeing?
"
"try to find on your own,dear"

Only if I could....
Why I never got her.....
the mysterious sleep

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Life in the fast lane

I am not going to repeat another Chetan Bhagat kind of story. This blog is meant to recollect the four beautiful years which I spent in IT-BHU’s lush green campus and I am confident that it will remind your college days. I also had a small mischievous coterie but that will form another story which will be told later.

When you qualify the JEE, everything surrounding you seems to change.
People who doesn’t even know you properly start linking

arre woh mera chota bhai hai…”
“I have known him since he started peeing!!”
“He was a very good student…I taught him in second standard…”

One of my neighbors whose window’s glass I broke from ball was caught saying
Arre bada achcha ladka tha”..though he was pissed off from me everytime I sneaked past him.

A kind of prejudice subsides inside you and at the same time you start doubting yourself that how you will cope up in all elite company only. With these known fears, I entered into the hostel along with my father. After parents left us in this new world ,ragging was on full flow and it’s inappropriate to discuss all the nuisances of it here. You got to smoke at least once….just to show the seniors….you had to remember Institute chorus (pretty distorted song) and if you miss a single line, you got to repeat that. Once ,I was about to break when one of ‘em asked me to smell a whitish thing which he called “cocaine”, which turned out to be Nycil powder ….Ragging continued even in class to make Mama’s boys and Pop’s girls(Sadly only two) smarter….even teachers encouraged that!

Those days were nightmares as we were supposed to sleep with shoes on .And few smart guys were caught by damn smart seniors at 3 AM and alongwith them, all of us were punished…and those blokes who hesitated to get naked inside bathroom became so frank within few days that one call from seniors was enough to make a bogey…with no piece of cloth on body. All kind of weirdest things were mandatory to be performed and in true sense, ragging got some of the guys I know pretty close
forever, for whatsoever reasons. I am sure most of you have gone through this phase. Please refer Chetan Bhagat’s novel ….

Once ragging phase was over, guys from all over India started mingling with each other. They were all kinds of chaps….some were simply geeks, few were work horses while most of them were above average….but each one of them had some talent.

We used to dance and sing together during evening and it used to be first year guys only who had the maximum fun. I wondered why only first year…only to get answer in the next year. Room mates who shared same interests came closer and they are now friends for the lifetime. Luckily my mate was also a big fan of Jagjeet Singh…and after 12, we used to switch off lights, close the door and listen his soothing voice till we sleep…”sadly..now gone are those days…”

Coming to the studies , nothing was striking in first year. Courses were good but professors were too old to handle. Every subject was screwed up and nothing innovative was there. Those who were good at making notes were GOD’s for the rest and those who could learn everything by heart were amongst toppers. It was not the place which I thought that a famous institute like this would be…only to be discovered soon that I was wrong.

Second year started with Electronics core coming in picture and by then we were very much used to VT (Vishwanath temple)hangouts,Limbdi corner’s chai-samosewaala, Shuklajee’s juice ,BBC(Basketball court),Piya Milan Chauraha(PMC) and Pahalwaan’s Lassi.PMC was in front of non engineering Women’s college and was mostly clustered with guys from IT ,since the population of fairer sex was really thin in Institute.

Also few new things like overnight software contest …overnight treasure hunt (where usually, treasure was found in the filthiest bathroom of the campus!)…lots of cultural festivals and gaming contests added spice in our lives.....

All kinds of naughty things like proxy attendance , bunking classes or taking shots on teacher were very common. Sometimes, few were caught as they requested multiple guys for their proxy registration and three of them calling at the same time for same guy!!

Not so common was daring to leave the class once teacher took attendance at the beginning. This illegal activity was performed by jumping from a big window which was accessible from the topmost stair of auditorium and you got jump from a height of 8 feet from the ground. There were blokes who used to do it
with immaculate perfection unless one of them jumped from the class over our math teacher who was passing by….poor teacher got injured badly………And the window is now closed forever!!!

The most courageous activity we performed in second year was a raid on professor of Electrical motors at 11PM!! Prof was really furious when he saw 44 guys in front of his house demanding the test scheduled on next day ,to be cancelled ,as it was a public holiday. When he came out of his house along with big German Shepherd, each one of the protestors were looking for places to hide. Most of the guys were found inside a bush while those who had bicycle just ran away. Only two had the managed to talk with him … He badly scolded them and test remained scheduled…..and everyone got marks in single digit.

The booze party given by seniors at the very end of this year was as peculiar one could ever imagine. One room was full with all kinds of alcoholic drinks….beers, whiskeys and rum…with unlimited availability and interesting part was nothing to eat.That night was only to drink and get wet from the somehow disconnected water hose of garden water supply. Youthful madness was at it’s pinnacle and you could see all hundreds of drunkards completely wet….smoking cigarettes…going for their 9th peg. And next day we had an exam……….

Third year was serious ….damn serious. It was the toughest and teacher of microprocessors was one hell of a prof. He knew everything, was renowned in his area of expertise. I used to talk to him after class hours to clarify doubts. Apart from studies, we used to talk on few other issues and I came to know that he was not satisfied from himself but somehow he carried on with the burden of genius.

Few more profs who taught us were really knowledgeable and some guys got flunked in the toughest courses of our lives. Everybody use to be very studious and that’s why we are famous.. when you needed to study, we all studied. Till now boozing, smoking, spending late nights at Dhaba for chicken was common. To come back from the feast, you have to jump from a 7 ft high wall as university gates were essentially closed at 10PM.

Within first five days of campus season started almost all of us got placed in some of the biggest names and each one who got job….had to go through the ritual of taking job bumps….lots and lots of them. It is a very famous saying in IT “If you don’t get the job bumps, you will repent for it!”. Ultimately, everyone got bums minimum twice!!

Getting a job was again U-turn for some of us. It meant end of their aims and then started endless nights playing cards…or AOE(Age of empires) .The morning started at 12 and AOE starts at the same time. and till the next day 4AM, it used to be played. Same with cards…there were some clash of titans in AOE where whole hostel used to watch few geeks battling it out for as long as 5 hours! needless to say…Who cared about the studies

Two lobbies in our hostel were named India and Pakistan and there used to lot of funny fights across nations…and it started with either “India ki ………………”or “Pakistan………….”.But it reached to the height at Diwali when rockets and crackers were fired in enemy’s territory. Luckily no one got injured.

The end of this life was full of treats.. parties and promises that we will never forget each other. After these four years, boys were now converted into fully grown men and girls were more mature. The people who either became your friend under a set of circumstances or naturally were now leaving and along with them, some of your part was also going…forever. The news that all of them are doing really well in their respective profession somehow fills your heart with puff of proudness.

Gone are those days of madness to do anything….of daydreams and achieving them …of friendship and rivalry…..of many unmentionables extracurricular activities…..of dancing during cultural fests…of nightouts and ofcourse most beautiful and largest university campus in Asia.

Just recalled a verse from Jagjit Singh Ghazal...

वक़्त की शाख से, लम्हे नहीं तोड़ा करते
हाथ छूटे भी तो, रिश्ते नही छोड़ा करते....

For BHU and ECE-2005…..missing you

Saturday, July 01, 2006

I will not be there when………



On my way to a long and desolate island
In search of the eternal truth
Friend sparrow stopped me
Happy was I
That I got a companion
“I need your help my dear friend”
And I was there
Only to be sidelined after ‘twas done
…….......


Few days later when I again started voyage,
A parrot stopped me
Happiness crept inside
“I need you my dear brother”
.....I was there
Again to be cornered afterwards….........

On midway through
A beautiful seagull became hurdle
She was lost in utter chaos of emotions
Can you extricate me ….my Romeo
And I was there to save her from spooky emotions
.....Again to be kicked off………

Now I am wandering disoriented on the island
Still in quest of that everlasting truth
Reminiscent memory particles start haunting…..

I require my friend sparrow
And brother parrot
Juliet seagull…......
Alas!! Each one of them abandons me barbarically
WHY?
SIMPLE………
………I was not needed…………

Years later
Sparrow called
Parrot also enquired
And good-looking seagull sent signals

Am I Needed?”
“No, we miss you!...join us“


But it’s too late folks
Only lesson I learnt from this worthless life
And you all missed is
“I will be there when really needed
NOT be there when NOT needed……”

Saturday, June 24, 2006

WHY I WANT TO BE A RED FLOWER?



A day in flower's life
Starts with drops of water flushed by the gardener
The little red flower opens eyes
With sun giving his warmth
With breeze welcoming the little 'ne
Flower starts growing and radiating fragrance

Now friend bee comes
She kisses him,touches him and loves him
Little Red flower enjoyes the company
Suddenly,she finds another companaion
...........he keeps growing

Young flower keeps growing as the day progress
With new marks of age and traumatized with bruise
These blemishes.....offered by the gleaner himself
and he wonders ....WHY?
The young flower learns the rules of life quickly
Discovers soon that world is cruel

As the darkness crawls,
Adult Flower is alone
Wondering "was life cruel?Why gardner did that?Why bee did that?"
and discovers too late
the purpose of life
was in spreading his aroma
And......forgiving everybody

And that's why .....
I want to be a Red flower ......


This Poem is a Birthday Gift to my friend Shrek.Thanks for all the good times you have given me buddy......

Monday, June 12, 2006

Lost but not Found


It was an I-spy game between sun and clouds ….sunlight kept appearing ,disappearing and then again appearing. Standing on top of South India called Dolphin’s nose, I was wondering that there must be a painter of this megacosm…..A painter who makes errors in form of dark clouds covering the entire top view and then erases it from sunlight!!

Be it the Nilgiris(The Blue Mountains), apparently appearing to me as a gigantic lady who is sleeping in between mushrooms (The Eucalyptus trees)..or the sunlight coming from window of Chaiyya Chaiyaa train and piercing my body…or angelic blue colored flowers bidding adieu to the passengers of the train….or the Sun rays ,falling on leaves of coniferous trees and making their green leaves glow with white shine ……I was lost in Koonoor.

Journey to this place with six other friends started with a deadly stare of Bison in Bandipur Jungles which is on the way to Koonoor,a hill station 18 Km east of Ooty. The time was 4AM in the morning and as usual, I was awake along with my friend for the journey…the gibbous moon .The shriek from Chandan made all of us to look into shining eyes of that Bison and after that, those who were sleeping in the Qualis were also looking for more adventure…..sadly we could find few stags and herd of deer in the Bandipur and Madhumalai forests.

Ooty is artificial,Koonoor is natural
when Raja guide said this, he meant it. But our decision to stay in Koonoor was purely based on financial constraints. We were in middle of tea estates and then in SatyaMangla forest where brigand Veerappan had monopoly few years back accompanied by the guide who told about the numerous bollywood movies who were shot in the areas where we went. There were lots of view points on the way…sadly I forgot the names!!

Koonoor is the fifth hill station I have visited but number of view points make it rank two after Nainital in my list…no doubt why Bollywood should not come here to take a shot of The Painter’s outstanding creativity…or why love dales in form of honeymoon couples should not come here …Love and beauty of nature flows with cool air and to feel it, you got to be present here.

The train from Koonoor to Ooty (The Chaiyaa Chaiyya train) is an experience in itself. This historical steam engine passes through two tunnels and scenic hills.You can see the houses very beautifully arranged on different levels of the hill,as if one little nudge on the topmost house was sufficient enough to topple subsequent ones…so delicate was their placement. I was lost third time while on the journey ,only to be recovered once we reached Ooty,where we visited the Boat house for a four seater paddle boat ride and then to rose garden… full of all kinds of hybrid roses. Ooty is a crowdy and ear popping place, basically abundant with couples. It didn’t strike me at all. We decided not to visit Botanical garden (very similar to Lalbagh botanical garden of Bangalore) but we left Ooty to have some fun in between the way to Bangalore and that we did by stopping at some unknown place and freaking out with locales!

It was not that I was lost in nature only…but was Lost in translation too. Four of my Telugu friends kept chatting in their native language and me trying to decipher them was a fun!! In the end I could figure out two-three telugu words. Horse riding with Shrek was also interesting.Helper whipped his horse who jumbled and mumbled and Shrek started shrieking …stop stop. Sadly,my horse was also stopped and fun ended soon.

The height of excitement came to me when I fell in mud twice!!..one while crossing a long passage and second time while pulling out my beloved shoes from the mud result was myself half into mud….but the spirit didn’t end here…third time I crossed the same passage successfully!!

It was a nice change from Bangalore’s routine life…I suggest,if you go to Ooty,don’t give much weightage to Ooty city.Lots of unexplored places such as tribe’s village, trekking spots and the places I described are waiting…..

In the end It’s all about experimentation, bodaciousness and the limit to which you want to have adventure and fun.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Making The Grade



I will be in Ooty on coming weekend so my new post will be available on Monday,June 12th.So for the time being,following is an essay written by Kurt Wiesenfeld a Professor at Georgia Tech in Atlanta Georgia. The essay was originally published in the "My Turn" section of the June 17th Newsweek.
This is an old and famous essay and I want to thank Neelesh for sending it.

Please stay tuned for a travelogue on "Lesser known aspects of Ooty"

It was a rookie error. After 10 years I should have known better, but I went to my office the day after final grades were posted. There was a tentative knock on the door "Professor Wiesenfeld? I took your Physics 2121 class? I flunked it? I wonder if there's anything I can do to improve my grade?" I thought: "Why are you asking me?Isn't it too late to worry about it? Do you dislike making declarative statements?"

After the student gave his tale of woe and left, the phone rang.
"I got a D in your class. Is there any way you can change it to 'Incomplete'?"

Then the e-mail assault began: "I'm shy about coming to talk to you, but I'm not shy about asking for a better grade. Anyway, it's
worth a try.
" The next day I had three phone messages from students
asking me to call them. I didn't.

Time was, when you received a grade, that was it. You might groan and
moan, but you accepted it as the outcome of your efforts or lack thereof (and, yes, sometimes a tough grader). In the last few years, however, some students have developed a disgruntled consumer approach. If they don't like their grade, they go to the "return" counter to trade it in for something better.

What alarms me is their indifference toward grades as an indication of
personal effort and performance. Many, when pressed about why they think
they deserve a better grade, admit they don't deserve one but would like
one anyway. Having been raised on gold stars for effort and smiley faces
for self-esteem, they've learned that they can get by without hard work and
real talent if they can talk the professor into giving them a break. This
attitude is beyond cynicism. There's a weird innocence to the assumption
that one expects (even deserves) a better grade simply by begging for it.
With that outlook, I guess I shouldn't be as flabbergasted as I was that 12
students asked me to change their grades after final grades were posted.

That's 10 percent of my class who let three months of midterms,
quizzes and lab reports slide until long past remedy. My graduate student
calls it hyperrational thinking: if effort and intelligence don't matter,
why should deadlines? What matters is getting a better grade through an
unearned bonus, the academic equivalent of a freebie T shirt or toaster
giveaway. Rewards are disconnected from the quality of one's work. An act
and its consequences are unrelated, random events.

Their arguments for wheedling better grades often ignore academic
performance. Perhaps they feel it's not relevant."If my grade isn't raised
to a D I'll lose my scholarship." "if you don't give me a C, I'll flunk
out." One sincerely overwrought student pleaded, "If I don't pass my life
is over." This is tough stuff to deal with. Apparently, I'm responsible for
someone's losing a scholarship, flunking out or deciding whether life has
meaning. Perhaps these students see me as a commodities broker with
something they want--a grade. Though intrinsically worthless, grades, if
properly manipulated, can be traded for what has value: a degree, which
means a job, which means money. The one thing college actually offers--a
chance to learn--is considered irrelevant, even less than worthless,
because of the long hours and hard work required.

In a society saturated with surface values, love of knowledge for its
own sake does sound eccentric. The benefits of fame and wealth are more
obvious. So is it right to blame students for reflecting the superficial
values saturating our society?

Yes, of course it's right. These guys had better take themselves seriously now, because our country will be forced to take them seriously later, when the stakes are much higher. They must recognize that their
attitude is not only self-destructive but socially destructive. The
erosion of quality control--giving appropriate grades for actual
accomplishments--is a major concern in my department. One colleague
noted that a physics major could obtain a degree without ever answering
a written exam question completely. How? By pulling in enough partial
credit and extra credit And by getting breaks on grades.

But what happens once she or he graduates and gets a job? That's when the misfortunes of eroding academic standards multiply. We lament that school children get "kicked upstairs" until they graduate from highschool despite being illiterate and mathematically inept, but we seem unconcerned with college graduates whose less blatant deficiencies are far more harmful if their accreditation exceeds their qualifications.

Most of my students are science and engineering majors. If they're
good at getting partial credit but not at getting the answer right, then
the new bridge breaks or the new drug doesn't work. One finds examples here in Atlanta.Last year a light tower in the Olympic Stadium collapsed,
killing a worker. It collapsed because an engineer miscalculated how much weight it could hold. A new 12 story dormitory could develop dangerous cracks due to a foundation that's uneven by more than six inches. The error resulted from incorrectdata being fed into a computer. I drive past that dorm daily on my way towork, wondering if a foundation crushed under kilotons of weight is repairable or if this structure will have to be demolished. Two 10,000 pound steel beams at the new natatorium collapsed in March, crashing into the student athletic complex. (Should we give partial credit since no one was hurt?) Those are real world consequences of errors and lack of expertise.

But the lesson is lost on the grade-grousing 10 percent. Say that you
won't (not can't, but won't) change the grade they deserve to what they
want, and they are frequently bewildered or angry. They don't think it's
fair that they're judged according to their performance, not their desires
or "potential." They don't think it's fair that they should jeopardize
their scholarships or be in danger of flunking out simply because they
could not or did not do their work. But it's more than fair; it's
necessary to help preserve a minimum standard of quality that our society
needs to maintain safety and integrity. I don't know if the l3th-hour
students will learn that lesson, but I've learned mine. From now on, after
final grades are posted, I'll lie low until the next quarter starts.

WIESENFELD, a physicist, teaches at Georgia Tech in Atlanta.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

First Year in Software Industry

Welcome aboard…Mr Saurabh boasted my director Shytam
Thank you, Sir
Lesson no. 1…there is no sir, no madam…I am Shyam,he is Rama(manager)…
Wow!!!! … So I will call my uncles with their names
I thought

I was a fresher with Electronics Engineering background whose CV was brimming with most of the VLSI (Very Large Scale integration) related projects. My Knowledge in devices was perfect and specialization was the field of VLSI ….. Training in STMicroelectronics on memory design was like icing on the top of the cake. I am sure there are many guys like me…..unsure of what they can do during there B.Tech ..what they want to do and finally landing to a place where you will not use the specialized knowledge which has been perfected during you formative years.

Next day,I went straight to director

So Shyam, what is the work you are going to assign me?

Good that you are learning the etiquettes fast…apparently our division works on wireless infrastructure and mobile device management soft wares ,which includes server and devices to be managed. And there is no such well defined team. Whole division is a team. Try to learn Server side of it and then move ahead towards devices in future. So Start on Java. I have already seen you as a guy who is not afraid of taking risks!!(So I was under scrutiny from day one) and talking to senior management

But.. I demurred..what is this…there is no fixed group …no hierarchy…and above all no embedded software where I was interested…From VLSI to JAVA was a big change

I hated Java. This was a paradigm shift .From projects in chip designing to making a career in network management and that too using Java…yukk ..like any other fresher,I hated the idea

I am from Ece background Shyam..will this suit me?….. but I will give it a shot

And from that day in history to this day,I have worked on projects which hardly required Java.They required an attitude and aptitude to learn….learn the tools ..learn to write pertinent codes along with coding standards…Attitude to implement ….. acclimate with different teams working on different kind of projects

Here I am going to present my treatise on what I learnt from Industry in past one year. It may help some of the freshers and few seniors who find their work boring and disgusting …Mind it,I am not giving gyan ,it’s kind of self talk.

1)Leave the prejudices in the college---Don’t be prejudiced about the domain where you are going to make the career, unless you have explored about it thougrouly.

2)The software tools which you are going to use must be given high assiduity. Using help or goggle, learning their intricacies always helps. e.g I use MG-soft browser regularly but haven’t seen many guys using it effectively. They could use basic functionality but whenever a tricky situation comes, they fail. Same is the case with CVS(A tool which helps you to put code on a central repository and not on local machine).You can learn every utility of these tools by TRYING out some dummy things and screwing up your system(or if you are luckier than me,you will not).For the developers, the platform(DOS or UNIX) and development tool(s) they use SHOULD be as familiar as their own rooms where they know what thing to look for at exactly which place.Same to testers.

3)Always be ready to learn new programming languages and scripting in no time. I know it’s easy to say but once you break the ice, next time it would be easy. Believe me..I have learnt JSP,Beans and servlets much slower than multithreaded programming in C++, purely because of ordering dependencies. Once you break that, you are through.

4)Don’t be irresolute to ask right questions…who so ever be it .Initially I used to fear from my team lead

What he will think? How he will react? Is this a stupid question? how dumb I am?

Believe me, there are no stupid questions. All you have to do is prepare yourself before asking. Be clear about what you want and even if you are not sure, give some time on it before approaching and you will get it…for sure. Right questions are always appreciated in software industry.
I have heard “If you are a fresher, you can ask question but as soon as you grow up, you cannot”
To me, this is an absolutely fallacious quote. You can ask at any point in time of your carreer..leave your hesitations in bay area and go.

5) Speak for yourself and your work related problems….in front of managers…in meetings or anywhere, whenever required. I have seen guys and girls who are impeccable technically but hesitate to tell the world about the problems they are facing in their work life.

6) Last one is of sheer importance. It’s the attitude towards work which counts at the end of the day. If your work is boring you can try out things to make it interesting. If the work is getting repetitive day by day, do it in a best possible way as if you do your daily activities like watching TV…listening radio….cooking…brooming…exercises earnestly.

e.g.
a)If you are running a script which takes lot of time, between that time, find out the different ways to optimize it or at least think about it. Even if you succeed in decreasing the time by 15 minutes, isn’t it not a motivation to reduce it further by 15 more minutes and hence more interesting think based search again.

b)If you have to do lot of manual entries in a file(Like I did!),try to find out how to automate it. Even if you don’t get succees,the pleasure of finding different things in the process will not let you get bored

You can devise different methods to make your work…but always believe that nothing is junk and even if it is,try to make out something of it…..as they harness electricity from garbage .

My metamorphosis from a hardware guy to a software engineer was not as effortless but the aptitude and attitude have brought me to this stage where I can now go and say..

Hey Shyam, I can do any kind of work in any domain…

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Bangalore-Was that the hard Way?

While collecting the boarding pass at domestic airport,New Delhi, the first and last things in my mind were air hostesses of Jet airways….it was my first ever flight and I along with Prakash was join Symbol Technologies,Bangalore...on June the 2nd 2005.

We both were new to this city and totally incognizant of surprises Bangalore was going to throw in coming days...We were excited and ready to learn life the hard way…with no parents to look you after..….no place which you can call home..…no hostel...…no mess hall…..no cell phones!!!....nobody close whom you knew except few seniors which we decided that we are NOT going to call them unless under paramount situation.

I had two bags with one full of books…...all kinds of books, the only treasure which I brought from Varanasi.It almost covered 20 Kgs …it was a strenuous job from me even to carry the bag on that broiling day in Delhi.. and smaller one had few Jeans and Shirts brought from Monastery(Every Delhi University student knows what a Monastery is!!) and some older ones.I love my clothes.I really do. So ई don’t try to replace them as frequently as anybody else would do and this meant that I won’t be buying any clothes in Bangalore for next three months…and Monastery clothes are the one’s which I am wearing till today.

So with these two assets of mine,I landed on the airport of Bangalore at around 2AM only to bump into gust of cool wind…..it was a tremendous change ....…two and half hours ago,we were facing the heat …..Welcome to Bangalore

More surprises were yet to come out of Pandora’s box…We had been provided accommodation in Admirality Square…it was a ritzy apartment but only worry we had was who will be there to recognize us…..after formalities at security,we had been told to go straight to flat no 208…..and then…..

Ding dong…ding dong……..I lost count how many times we rung it
Coming baba……....It was a lady

I thought she would be the owner of our flat who had the keys….and then after the door opened…it was a female of our age

Welcome to Bangalore…you guys are coming from Bombay??
No..from Delhi…can you give me the keys of our flat
What flat???this is your flat…commo’n in..
And haan, that is your room..this is ours


We didn’t show any emotions in front of her but… I can tell ya…it was a shocker for guys coming from small towns when we came to know that we will be staying with four females in the same flat for the next fifteen days!! Moreover, we had to share the resources …..

After a day or two, we became very comfortable with them and had good times after coming back from office. The girls working for ICICI call center were full of life and talked almost about every thing. But frankly, I used to fear from Cherry most…she was the one who always used to take the breath out of me by pretending to be scary …..horror movies …distorted faces were my biggest weakness and she realized it soon when I ran away from the TV screen when horror movie was broadcasted!!

One day my uncle called, I was in office…and Cherry picked the phone… Later when uncle again called…

Who was the girl who picked the phone?
Oh!!..woh caretaker thi….(She was caretaker)kaam karke chali jaati hai
But angrezi achcha bol rahee thi aur well mannered bhi thee
Bangalore mein aisa hi hota hai!!


That was a close save…..when I told this to Cherry,we laughed on that day like anything…

Amidst our laughter and discussions, soon we realized that our tenure at Admirality square is over and since we slept consistently on weekends, it was real trouble to find a new house. Hurriedly, we took one 2 BHK in BTM layout…without thinking much and from heaven of Admirality square….it was like “Welcome to hell".
Madhu joined us to stay in this hell along with Pranav.So now we 4 were staying together.

This house was closed…closed for sunlight…for air ….it was surrounded by a flour mill, a wood godown and a shop from three side…. Only one filthy rest room to share with.

Unfortunately, the room I and Madhu shared was worst striken.You could listen to Dhakh Dhakh of flour mill anytime…chats of worker of shop after 11PM and smoke of their bidi coming from the small common passage…sound of customers….the smell of filth coming from common toilet…..even during the day time, you had to study in light as no sunlight could reach there and only air we breathed out was the recycled one of our own.. …..as there was no place for ventilation…it was a nazi concentration camp for me. The situation became worst when Pranav started smoking.

I am one of those guys for whom it’s a must to switch off the lights in order to sleep. Even a single speck of light on my eyes disturbs. Moreover, I am very sensitive for sounds too…even if I could hear slightest of sound coming from 500 meters away, I can never sleep ..During nights when everybody slept, I tried hard but in vain. Many times I shrieked on the workers of shop who used to chat after 12…and my roommates thought I was talking in my dreams…..I felt like running out of the house….and was desperate to make a change.

On the other hand, Madhu was having problems from cigarette smokes and trauma of being a test engineer and staying within a pool of self proclaimed genius . You could easily tell…..He was frustrated and annoyed from his job and roommates who always took a shot on him. I always use to suggest him either ignore them or try for a new job…with his college friend Lucky joining him,he chose the first option….. And ultimately in few days….he left me alone. I was learning Bangalore…the hard way.

Only silver lining amidst all these bizarre circumstances was my FM radio bought from Marthahalli grey market in lieu of rupees 150 .We didn’t had TV by then and radio city 91 FM was only medium of entertainment and that too when few guys were not around as it was disturbing for them to listen Hindi songs! Even these days, I listen to it after 12 PM….

Fed up from living in the hell for three long months, one fine day all of us woke up and decided to make a change and soon we landed up in an apartment which offered everything…sunlight, air, larger rest rooms and three balconies where I can get wet in the rain or can read and write as well. Missing is one vital component…Madhu..but life is like that….full of compromises

After one year stay in Bangalore,I don’t feel it was tough to get my feet in…what I got in one year…ok….here I go:
now I have a place which I call my home…few good friends(If I mention more they will feel bad)… FM radio….a room of my own.. a computer to write.......internet connectivity…....lots of rain and freedom to get wet sometimes..express sometimes when people permit me to write on them!

Was that difficult readers?

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Finding My Voice



This article by Collier is close to my heart....I am not the orignal author but at least somebody is there who thinks in cohesion with me...striking similarity with my thought process...so sharing it....take a shot..it is worth reading


I always had trouble talking to girls—until I met the one that really heard me.

May 18, 2006 -

As soon as I said the words to the beautiful woman I was falling in love with, I knew I had blown my chance. “I think that maybe I might like you.”

Good grief. I’ve never been much of a smooth talker, but come on. “Think?” “Maybe?” “Might?” Talk about hedging your bets. What was wrong with me? I should have told her how I really felt: that I thought she was beautiful and smart and funny and unlike anyone I’d ever met.

I’d been readying myself for this moment for weeks, ever since a friend at church introduced me to the pretty new blonde all the guys were talking about. For the last hour, as we walked along the river that ran past her apartment building, I’d been gathering my nerve, mulling over what I would say—and the best I could come up with was, “I think that maybe I might like you.”

Ugh.

Growing up, I had never enjoyed speaking. And not just in the public sense—I hated speaking in general, because I was terrible at it. I spoke too quickly. Words burst out of my mouth and scurried all over each other like mice fleeing a burning house. I had to repeat myself over and over and over. Slow down, people would tell me, breathe. I also had problems with enunciation. Words ending in “p” or “t” sounded anything but crisp when they came out of my mouth. How could I finish a word when another one was already barreling through my larynx?

These, of course, were mere mechanical issues. The real problem was that I had difficulty thinking of things to talk about. Not with my friends, that was easy. We’d talk about girls, or TV, or girls we’d seen on TV. But talking to girls, well, that wasn’t so easy.

When I was 15, the friend of a friend of a cutegirl from a nearby town stopped me in the hallway at school. She told me that her friend’s friend (the cute girl) liked me. I rang her up that night and we talked for a half hour. I thought we had a wonderful chat.

The following Friday, I hitched a ride to the cute girl’s town. When I entered the arcade where the local kids hung out, I saw her, and the look on her face said it all: she didn’t like me anymore. She said it would be best if we were just friends. We never spoke to each other again.

I spent the rest of the night sitting on the ground behind the hardware store, alone in the rain, feeling sorry for myself. The rain was cold and soaked through my jacket, but it seemed appropriate. I thought I was the biggest loser who ever lived. What had I said that was so bad?

Eventually, word got around that she thought I was boring. I’d talked a bit too much about my new running shoes. I didn’t recall talking about sneakers, but it was possible, I guess. I had been nervous; in truth, I didn’t recall much of what I’d said.

Things got better when I went to college. I still wasn’t the most confident guy around, but I was comfortable with who I was, or, at least, with who I was becoming. So what if I couldn’t dazzle girls with pretty talk? I was a nice guy. They would see that.

But my bumbling mouth continued to cloud their vision. One time, I was having coffee with a girl that I liked and the conversation turned to high-school activities. “I used to run track,” she said.

“You must have been in good shape back then,” I replied. I wasn’t implying that she wasn’t still in good shape, but that’s how she took it. She grabbed her coffee and left.

My roommate didn’t share my handicap. When he talked to a girl, his voice turned to syrup and he’d coo in her ear and tell her that he’d never felt “this way” about anyone before. If that didn’t work, he would share heartbreaking tales of his troubled childhood, even managing to squeeze out a tear or two. It was all show, of course, but a good one.

I didn’t want to be like him. The voice I spoke to my mother with was good enough for everyone else. I wasn’t going to make up stories to get attention. Besides, I knew that someone, someday, would give me a chance to make a second or even third impression. And, who knows, maybe she would see that a good heart is more important than good diction
.

Years later, walking with the pretty blonde on the river by her apartment building on an unusually warm October evening, I had hoped she would be that someone. But with a typical display of verbal buffoonery, I’d erased that hope. Or so I thought.

She stopped walking and looked up at me. She laughed. It turned out, in spite of my less-than-impressive linguistic skills, she kinda sorta liked me, too. And two years later, she married me.

“I think that maybe I might like you.”

You know, now that I think of it, that’s not so bad. It’s cute, in an awkward sort of way. Maybe I’ll give Hallmark a call.

Collier lives in Ottawa, Canada.
© 2006 Newsweek, Inc.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Ankahee--THE UNTOLD



At last…..YES…I watched a movie after two long months in a multiplex.Since my flat mates don’t watch bollywood movies as in their own words, it destroys their sanity,I had to sponsor one of my friends for the sake of company. I decided to watch “Ankahee”which ultimately turned out to be a good one(For me,sad part was Aisha Takia’s absence),though quite a few people who went there to watch a fleshy show by Eisha or Indian basic instinct were disappointed and had to return back after intermission!!

Since I like watching movies on relationships and this movie has been woven around complex relationships, I was just lost in the movie till the very end. One more USP was that is a newer version of 1980’s classic movie Arth…...true story of Mahesh Bhatt’s life.

Ankahee ---A tale close to ace director Vikram Bhatt's heart is Aftab,Amisha and Eisha Deol starrer.This movie is inspired from extramarital affairs of the director Vikram Bhatt (portrayed by Aftab)and miss universe 1994 Sushmita Sen(played by Eisha Deol).You can call it an art movie of the current era so go and watch this ONLY if you like to watch those sort of movies.Here I present how I perceived Ankahee from my eyes and brain...…

Movie starts with Vikram Bhatt dedicating it to his daughter Krishna and a beautiful song. Dr.Shekhar(Aftab) is having a lovely wife Nandita(Amesha) who was having a career before marriage but leaves everything just to become a caring housewife..

You are a professional interior designer,why don’t you start it again with your previous employer…...says Shekhar

In reply,Nandita says

I just want to design my own house…after getting married,I am on a vacation of a lifetime.....

Shekhar enjoys small things in life and is very happy with her daughter Sheena and wife Nandita .....until ...….Miss World(Miss universe in real life)Kavya (Eisha Deol) arrives in his life. She tried suicide by cutting her veins…...not happy with life....is suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder…alone and very sad and enters into movie with a striking piece….

Doctor, I am neither in hurry to live nor to die.. take your own time!

Dr. Shekhar gives her medical as well as emotional attention too and Kavya starts taking things too seriously. Her persona and pain attracts Shekhar who in spite of having a sweet wife falls for it. And this shows how weak and vulnerable as a person was our Dr.Shekhar…

Once she becomes fit, everybody in hospital takes her autograph but she takes autograph from Dr. Shekhar....

Look, your wound has heeled says Shekhar
Doc....wound has not heeled,it is now invisible for outside world..replies Kavya painfully

Trapped in Her brutal love, Shekhar starts deviating from reponsibilites…..but sometimes he does care for his daughter Sheena. It’s an irony that his wife Nandita who is completely dedicated...….physically and emotionally towards him fails in her each bizarre attempt to save her man…...being a weak and confused man, Shekhar gets completely entangled…...and frustratingly…...some day he yells on his wife..

Why you are always nice to me?Why my happiness,my choice is a priority..don’t you have your own life..what good I have done to you?
Because..You are my husband…says Nandita innocently

Movie moves ahead with slow pace and ultimately,Shekhar leaves his family to stay with Kavya….even after warning given by his friend that Kavya can never be satisfied. ..

Peak of movie,according to me comes when Shekhar talks to Nandita on phone about divorce and she just runs amongst heavy rain to her previous employer at night

Do you still have the vacancy?
Yes…but how come you here at this time!!
Thank God…now my daughter is safe


This pure love can only come from a mom……

After the divorce,Shekhar fails to generate confidence in miss world that he has forgot about his family and inevitable happens…..at last….depressive Kavya suicides saying

This life has been a failure….I will have to try again

Here I will end my commentary.Don’t watch this movie if you are looking for a fast pace rib-tickling movie.Comic scenes are almost absent…Starts lightly but ends on a very serious note…could have been little shorter…

Watch this movie for a stunning performance by Eisha Deol…for the complicated human relationships…for three beautiful songs…for few superb dialogues…for a newer version of classic Arth ....for Vikram Bhatt and Sushmita Sen’s almost true story….and of course...to know what kind of movies I preffer!!
A 3.5/5 according to me though times of India has given 2.5…